Why Is It So Hard to Change and How Do I Overcome It?
Why do we struggle to change, no matter how committed we are to the process?
Change is a loaded word for many of us! Some of us feel overwhelmed and afraid, while others are excited and optimistic. What I have experienced in my own life, and I believe it is the same for many, is that change is hard.
It takes a huge amount of faith, trust, and personal effort to reach a true state of being.
Understanding the Process of Change
Change doesn’t happen the moment you decide to become authentic and create a new life full of wonderful experiences! It can take months, even years, to unlearn and relearn new ways of being.
Understanding the process of change can help reduce the fear associated with it, giving you direction on your journey to becoming. I like to think of the change process as something similar to the Slinky toy I used to play with as a kid.
The Different Stages of Change
Stage 1
At the bottom of the spiral is the first stage of change. This is when I realise my life isn’t working out for me. I feel unhappy, restless, frustrated, trapped, and all I want is to create change.
Some of us stay here for a day, weeks, or months. Sadly, many of us stay at the bottom of the spiral for our whole lives because facing change is too daunting.
Stage 2
Overcoming this fear allows me to move to the next stage. This is when I start ruminating on my options and deciding what I can do to start changing my unhappy situation.
This can be an exciting stage, as it means I have chosen to do something to alter my undesirable situation.
However, I do caution you to take this step seriously and not rush it, especially if you are trying to force change!
Stage 3 and 4
Self-reflection is vital for making the right decision. When you are ready, you move up the spiral to the next stage, which I refer to as taking action. Whatever action you take brings you to the next stage known as maintaining action.
Here you begin taking the necessary steps to change. This stage can take time as you work through various factors that influence how you proceed.
Stage 5 and 6
Ideally, you want to move from maintaining action to the final stage. This is when change has occurred, and it is time to celebrate! However, it is not unusual to find yourself in the “slowing down of the momentum” stage when suddenly nothing seems to be going according to plan.
This is the stage where change becomes hard. If we are unaware, we tend to beat ourselves up for making the wrong move, or when another event stops us from focusing on our desired destination.
Why Is Change So Hard?
This is often the stage when we start asking ourselves, “Why is change so hard?” and giving in to negative self-talk. Accepting that you are facing a challenge opens up the door to exploring solutions rather than getting stuck in self-pity.
You can prevent this from happening by acknowledging everything you have learnt so far. Every spiral represents another level of awareness.
Slowing Down of the Momentum: Why It Happpens
Slowing down during the change process can happen for several reasons:
Your brain is threatened by your attempts to move into unfamiliar territory. It goes into survival mode, which triggers stress hormones, resulting in anxiety, fear, and even physical health conditions.
Choosing to change and leave behind the past can trigger emotional resistance as you experiencthe e loss of the old personality. This can lead to grief.
Forcing action before understanding what drives how you think, feel, and act can cause catastrophic mistakes, preventing you from moving in the direction you had planned.
Setbacks can trigger a fear of failure, encouraging you to retreat into your comfort zone.
You expected the change process to be smooth without any bumps along the way!
Overcoming these challenges begins with first acknowledging that change is a continuous journey of personal growth and transformation. The journey is often messy and rarely follows a predictable track.
The Steps to Overcoming the Challenges of Change
You can overcome change by:
Identifying clear intentions: Start exploring who you really are without all the conditioning and figure out how you want your new future to look and feel.
Working with intentional goals: These include daily steps and tasks that allow you to move forward with intentional action.
Being willing to move from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset: Get curious about the process and embrace the challenge with an open mind.
Accept uncomfortable moments: Learn from your mistakes and setbacks without giving up on yourself.
Not expecting overnight success: Personal growth is an ongoing process that requires courage, determination, patience, introspection, self-awareness, self-love, self-commitment, and self-forgiveness.
Tackling personal growth alone isn’t easy, and working with a skilled transformational coach or counsellor will help you stay on the right path as you take the self-discovery journey to authenticity.
Finding Support on Your Journey to Change
When I first began my personal growth journey, I worked closely with my shaman teacher, Lionel Berman, and a counsellor. Without them, I doubt I would have had the courage to keep moving towards my truth.
In recent years, I have also become committed to Dr Joe Dispenza’s work and meditations. In his blog, The Art of Change, the first sentence already hits the key component for overcoming change: “Change is an interesting concept because it requires becoming aware.”
His teachings have empowered me to reach a state of being I never thought possible.
Personal growth involves moving out of your comfort zone and facing changes that challenge your old perspectives on life. However, through persistence, you will discover that it is a rewarding path that brings inner peace and joy, love, and wholeness.
I would say the ride is worth it!
Final Thoughts
Use the following questions to reflect on for a deeper understanding of habits and fears that could undermine your journey to change. Are you willing to drop them for a better version of yourself?
What habits are preventing me from changing, and am I willing to let them go?
What fears am I willing to identify and release to make my change a success?
What clear intentions do I need to remind myself of every day to stay on track with my personal growth?
Robin Sharma says the following about change: “Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.” What are you willing to change, let go of, or create so your end story is gorgeous no matter how hard or messy it gets?
May the desire to change be bigger than staying in a comfort zone that doesn’t serve you!
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