Letting go when feeling stuck
The “change” process entails various stages, one of them being “regression” – I prefer to use the words “slowing down of the momentum”. It is often at this stage, that those trying to implement change in their lives, suddenly hit a wall. No matter how hard they try, they just don’t seem to be able to move beyond “go” anymore and it is at this stage that you may experience frustrations, blaming, defeat and even anger.
When we decide to make a change to something that is not working in our lives, we often start with feelings of excitement, positivity and relief that there is actually hope out there. We draw up goals, design vision boards and dream about how our future is going to pan out, most often so much better than where we are now (obviously or else why would we be working on changing our lives or aspects of it?).
Many of us take on a life coach and together with our life coach, we work through the steps, bringing us closer and closer to the change we are implementing. We do this by tackling our limiting beliefs and replacing them with empowering beliefs. We unpack our values system, pulling it apart and then putting it back together again as we realise which values are truly ours and not someone else’s. We study the rules we put in place so that we may experience our values as often as possible. We also discover how our needs can violate our values if we are not careful about ensuring that all our needs are met and kept in balance. We fulfil our action steps daily, bringing us closer to each milestone, which in turn brings us closer to our goal.
All of sudden, something happens or actually, it doesn’t happen. We find ourselves stuck. Suddenly, the momentum slows down and the goal, the dream, the change we were chasing to implement seems far away, almost impossible to achieve. Now what?
This “slowing down of the momentum” happens for a reason, although at the time, we may curse and swear, finding ourselves in a state of despair because what seemed like such a good idea some time back and still seems like a good idea, just doesn’t want to happen. We sit down and look at the reasons for this blip in our journey of change – someone once described it as “just a small piece of gravel getting in the way of a million-mile long journey”. We try to identify any fears that are still holding us back. We wonder if perhaps we are just procrastinating (another word for a fear-based belief!) or maybe even, we start to blame or justify why things are not happening the way we want them to happen.
And, then someone says – let go, just let go.
When we are stuck, our vision narrows, our perspectives go astray, we get lost in the small picture instead of looking at the bigger picture.
Letting go allows us to:
· Live in the moment – when we do this we are dropping the past and not dwelling in the future. We are simply living in the moment. So often when we live in the past or focus on our future, we miss out on so many special little moments that are happening to us right now, right this moment.
· Take a breather – we can get so caught up in our pursuit for the change that we lose touch with our life as it is. Perhaps there’s a partner that needs attention or a child that needs you to play a game with. Maybe there are signs of ill-health that you have been ignoring and need to be attended to. Maybe we just need to take a deep breath and slow down.
· Think calmly and rationally – most times, when things are not going well, our mind gets caught up in a total jumble! By letting go we are saying to our mind “Relax, it’s going to be fine. Breathe”.
· Drop our expectations – many times we put high expectations as to how the change must take place. We fix the outcome and are not prepared to let any other outcome happen. What we have not factored in is that life happens, plans change, people behave differently to how we thought they would. At the same time, having certain expectations often means we miss out on other opportunities that may give us the result we are looking for, just in a different way to what we were expecting.
· Let the energy flow – where attention goes, energy flows. Imagine what is happening when all the attention is on “I am stuck, I am stuck, I am stuck!!!”. When energy is not flowing freely nothing works.
· Discover that we are in the right place, at the right time and that what we want to change will come when it is right – changes cannot be forced. If they are, we may find ourselves making some of our biggest mistakes and regrets. Yes, it’s all part of the lesson but the lesson itself could be to not force the change. When the time is right, the time is right.
Next time you find yourself feeling stuck, choose to let go. Remember, this is just a tiny blip on your journey, a million-mile long journey, and while it may seem like a mountain to climb at the time, when you let go, it just becomes a small piece of gravel that can be easily climbed once the time is right.