Unlocking Change Through Reflection: What Is Holding Me Back From Being Authentic?

I started this podcast to inspire and empower you to become your authentic self so you can find peace, serenity, and wholeness. Starting the change process can be scary, but if you are serious about becoming your true self, you will discover how liberating it is to be authentic.

Today I am talking about what holds you back from being your authentic self. Understanding what stops you from being true is essential if you want to become the change you want to see in yourself.

https://youtu.be/3MVjErE5jWM?si=HLuTCIGlLX5gzADr

To Know Yourself is to Own and BE Yourself

In Episode 2, I mentioned the three steps to being authentic: know yourself, own yourself, and be yourself. If you reflected on these different steps, you may have felt some strange sensations in your body.

Maybe a fluttery feeling in your belly that could have been excitement or apprehension. Perhaps your heart expanded as you felt a tingle of joy, or even love, when you connected with your true inner nature.

These feelings can inspire you to keep moving forward, or you may have felt something similar to fear – your belly contracted, your solar plexus tightened, or your throat felt constricted. You are not alone if this was your reaction to unpacking your truth.

Understanding Fear

Fear is a barrier many of us face when we choose to make a change in our lives, especially when we choose to move from our conditioned identity to our true self. Some of the common fears associated with stepping out into authenticity include:

• Being rejected: Will my family and friends reject me because they don’t like the real me?

• Being exposed: Will I feel vulnerable when I choose to drop the old identity carefully managed for many years to protect myself?

• Being judged: Will I be mocked, criticised, or evaluated by work colleagues, friends, and family for choosing to be real?

• Being lonely and not belonging: Will those around me ostracise me because the real me makes them uncomfortable or I don’t fit social norms?

• Being drawn into conflicts: Will my family or friends argue with my decision to be real or to put up healthy boundaries to protect my authentic self?

• Being confused: What happens if I don’t recognise my new self and wondery how I am going to manage the change healthily?

The perceived negative consequences of these fears are often overwhelming and scary, so we choose to continue hiding behind our masks to prevent them from happening.

Many of our fears stem from limiting beliefs.

Exploring False Stories - Our Limiting Beliefs

These are false stories we carry from childhood that often belong to our parents, caregivers, educators, or society as a whole. As children, we internalise these beliefs, making them our own stories as we grow.

A limiting belief can start with a small idea or thought that becomes emotionally charged as we accumulate evidence to support it.

Imagine you are a 6-year-old drinking a glass of milk in the kitchen with your mother. Suddenly you drop the glass, spilling milk all over the floor. Out of frustration, your mother exclaims, “You are such a clumsy child!”

Later that day at school, you drop your bag of crayons, and your teacher shouts at you, “You are so clumsy sometimes!” Your friends tease you at break time about being clumsy, and by the end of the day, you have convinced yourself that you are indeed a clumsy person!

This can easily turn into a belief such as, ‘I will never be good at anything” or “I am always making mistakes.” Such stories can stop you from being the real you.

How Limiting Beliefs Impact Self-Worth

Limiting beliefs around your self-worth impact how you think, feel, and act in the world. Some examples include:

• I am not good enough.

• I am a burden if I ask for help.

• I am not worthy.

• I don’t belong.

• I am not lovable

  
  

These false stories or beliefs prevent you from being authentic. They can lead to a deep fear of rejection, judgment, loneliness, and not belonging.

Unpacking Limiting Beliefs

Reflecting on your limiting beliefs empowers you to ask the right questions. You cast doubt on the false story. The following steps will help you to unpack and break down limiting beliefs:

1.    Identify the beliefs:

• What negative thoughts trigger fear?

• Write them down, e.g., “I am not good enough”.

2.    Question the beliefs:

• Who “gave” me this false story?  Where did it come from?

• Is this belief 100% true for me?

3.    Reframe the beliefs:

• Find factual evidence that doesn’t support this belief, e,g, I have a degree and passed with distinctions.

• Challenge yourself to do one small thing that tells your brain that the false story no longer stands as the truth.

  
  

Sometimes, you have to fake it until you make it, but the key strategy here is to be absolutely willing and committed to swapping false stories with your truth. You ultimately have the choice to decide what is true for you, and collecting evidence is a wonderful way to boost empowering beliefs that support your personal growth and transformation.

Many of us are familiar with the following definition of the word fear:

• False evidence appearing real!

Unpacking the false evidence and discarding it empowers you to believe in yourself and to honour your true inner nature.

Self-Reflection Questions

Here are some questions you can reflect upon to help you move closer to your authentic self:

• What are some of my deepest fears holding me back from being authentic?

• What would I do if nobody rejected or judged me for being real?

• How do the following words of wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz make you feel, and do they inspire you to reconnect with your true self? If so, why? "Just imagine becoming the way you used to be as a very young child, before you understood the meaning of any word, before opinions took over your mind. The real you is loving, joyful, and free."