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My Retreat - A Time for Change and Transformation

Well, that caught us all by surprise, didn’t it? I cannot believe that over three months have passed since we all went into lockdown as COVID-19 reached our shores in March. Some of you may remember that I wrote about my own daughter’s experience with lockdown in China. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I would go through the same experience a mere few months later.

It is July and for many of us, lockdown is “old news”. The reason I am writing about it now is to make up for the three months of silence I self-imposed on myself! Unintentionally at the time, and yet so absolutely right for me, I shut myself down from the 23rd March as I initiated my own lockdown before the country went into official lockdown four days later.

An Incredible Life Experience

I am all for life experiences, journeys and lessons. Unwittingly, somewhere in the crevice of my sub-conscious, I knew I wanted to use this incredible life experience as an opportunity to culminate all the lessons I have learnt over the past six years. It was perfect orchestration, on behalf of the universe, to hand me with such an opportunity.

How often have we wished for the time and money to take a retreat and escape from the hustle and bustle of the crazy, head-spinning world we have created for ourselves? How many times do we wish we could step off the world, just for a while, so that we can gather our strengths again to move on, forward? For me, lockdown gave me the perfect retreat I so desperately craved.

My world has been spinning crazily for more years than I can count. The past six years have been used to bring some sense of peace, purpose and balance back into my life and mostly, I was achieving it, thanks to the shamanic path I have chosen to walk. However, what I had not realised was that I was still moving at a pace that did not allow me the opportunity to truly reflect on the inner work I had been doing nor where I was in my life before lockdown was enforced.

Taking a Pause

When the strange circumstances, instigated by COVID-19, caused my world to pause, I initially went into panic. I organised my days to include my work tasks, yoga in the garden, endless walking up and down our stairs (7 700 steps in total every day for three weeks!) and baking to my heart’s content.

Oh yes, and like the rest of the nation, the first week was spent spring-cleaning my home. I have yet to confess to my sister-in-law that I did, indeed, end up rolling up all our towels so they could look all neat and fancy in the linen cupboard!

It took a week before I realised that I was being handed the perfect “retreat” opportunity. As synchronicity would have it, I had stockpiled on books (instead of toilet paper and baked beans) a day before lockdown and one of the books I had purchased was “Becoming Supernatural” by Dr Joe Dispenza. I re-discovered my passion for meditation and from the second week of lockdown, I entered a time of reflection, creativity and spiritual connection.

It Wasn’t an Easy Ride

I won’t lie and tell you it was all hunky-dory. It wasn’t. There were days when my anxiety levels peaked to such levels, I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. There were days of such anger, that I had to physically force myself to sit down and analyse what exact fear was driving my anger.

There were many days of intense sadness as I witnessed friends and family members losing their jobs, their whole world falling apart seemingly overnight. And, the sorrow as the number of deaths rose. All because of an invisible bug.

Choosing Introspection

I chose to spend the past three months of lockdown in introspection. I was sad to temporarily halt all coaching sessions with my clients. I miss them! I was also sad to realise that my coaching business was taking a knock as people focused on one of their most basic human needs: survival. Yet, I felt a sense of freedom from not having to hustle for business all the time.

I know it will all come back again when the time is right. I missed not seeing my friends and yet, I too know, that when the time is right, we will all re-connect again. The past three months, instead, released me from all my “obligations” and gave me the space and time to finish off what I needed to finish off. I finally allowed myself to tie up all the strings that needed tying up from my past. What a release.

As I freed up space, within myself, I have found myself not only embracing the person I have become but I have become more open to all the wonderful opportunities that are finding their way to me. So, not only was I releasing but I have been receiving. I have been truly blessed.

An Ending of One Cycle, Beginning of a New One

The road ahead is, by no means, easy. The world has become an uncertain and unknown place for all of us. It’s going to be that way for a long time still. However, what my “retreat” has taught me, is that I am stronger than I realised, that it is okay to be human and have wobbly days and that, even while it may seem like so much is falling apart around me, what is happening within is the coming together of all the puzzle pieces.

It’s a sense of completion, an ending of one cycle so that a new cycle may begin. That is the magic of change and transformation. It’s scary. It can get very messy. It dips and peaks but, when it all comes together, it’s pure magic.

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